I am not the bravest soul ever. I don’t like new things; disruptions in my schedule, changes in my preferred route to a destination, being late to an appointment, all these things cause me a lot of stress. It’s the way I am, and I have come to accept it about myself. So what I did three weeks ago was a huge departure from character for me.

I had knit the beaded fingerless mittens to send to my Sister In Law for her aunt.I had been really careful writing down exactly how I had made them and was pretty sure I could write up the pattern. I was proud of them, and thought they were beautiful. I had decided I wanted to try to publish the pattern either through Knit Picks or just self publish on Ravelry. Then I got stuck. I kept looking at the Knit Picks IDP FAQ, and I got more and more nervous. I was doing what I had done so many times before, I was talking myself out of even trying something new. Because they might not think the design was as nice as I thought it was, because they would see me as the “wanna be” I am, because I might not do everything exactly right and upset someone. Because I might fail. I realized that if I didn’t take action right then, I was never going to move on this at all. It was going to be one more thing that I thought about, talked about and then abandoned because I couldn’t take the risk that it might not turn out perfect.

So I did something completely out of character for me. I filled out the proposal submission form, and hit the send button. What could happen? At the least, they could decide the pattern wasn’t for their site. At the best, I could have a pattern on the Knit Picks Independent Designer Program. I knew that if I said, well, I’ll just self publish on Ravelry, it was never going to happen. I would just talk myself out of it again and again until it just never happened. I needed a deadline, and a commitment.

A week later, I got an email back saying they would like to have the pattern on their website, knit in their yarn. Well, I about had a heart attack. I was so happy I think the kids thought I had lost my mind. Things have been busy, doing all the things that needed to be done before the samples and pattern could be sent to Knit Picks. Tomorrow’s the day, I need to get the sample and IDP agreement form in the mail, I need to email the PDF of the pattern. I need it to be done so I can get all the nieces and nephews hats done before it gets any colder, so I can start working on other designs I have floating around in my head , so I can see if this is really where my talent lies. Yet here I am again. Worried that it’s not going to be right, that I’ve done something wrong, that it won’t be good enough. That I might fail.

I know that I am not going to have to fight this battle forever. I will have victory over it, because this is not the way that Jesus wants me to live. He has plans for me that include peace, and peace leaves no room for the inner turmoil that I now every time I try something new. No, eventually I will not only win the battle over my self doubt, I’ll win the war. Boy, I can’t wait! Right now, though, I just have to keep jumping off the safety of this cliff of routine and familiar, into the unknown chasm of “what have I got myself into”. It’s scary, but necessary! If I don’t push myself, if I don’t make myself face that fear and doubt, it’s going to take away the potential that I have to actually do something I will love.

Anyway, enough navel gazing for one day. Want to see the mittens? These are the proposal pictures that I sent to Knit Picks. I will save the pictures of the sample mittens I am sending them for if they accept the pattern!

 

 

These were knit out of recycled cashmere yarn, but the mitts for the final pattern were knit in Knit Picks Capra. What a wonderful yarn to work with! It is merino and cashmere, so it has more bounce than this yarn did, and it blocks more nicely. I really enjoyed working with it. When you send in a proposal, and it is accepted, they send you the yarn to knit your samples in, but even if I had to buy the yarn myself, Capra is very affordable at only $6.49 a ball.

 

Well, off to take care of animals and start school. I hope your day is blessed. I know no matter what happens, my day will be!

 

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